YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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