goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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