I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
