I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
