I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
