In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't like sucking hair
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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