In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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