Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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