Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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