You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
