He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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