I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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