I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
