he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
