Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
