Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
