The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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