Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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