I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
