oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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