I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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