i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
