the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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