This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
