Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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