question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
