super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
