I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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