some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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