There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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