i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
