your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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