i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
