whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
