Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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