did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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