those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
