she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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