Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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