he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
