she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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