I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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