Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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