she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
