I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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