woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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