You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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