Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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