he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
