He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
