Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
