Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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