fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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