youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
