Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
