is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
