Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
