No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
