I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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