moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
