You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
