WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
