It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
