She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
