Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
