I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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