very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I will die if light touches me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
