3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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