I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
