Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
