today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
