I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
