We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
