All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
