im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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